When people finally call me about grief counseling, they almost always apologize first. "I'm sorry — I should be handling this better." "It's been six months; I thought I'd be past it by now." "Other people have it worse."
Let me start where I always start: grief is not a problem to fix or a deadline to meet. It's the natural weight of having loved someone. You don't come to grief counseling because you're failing at grief. You come because carrying it completely alone is too much — and it was never meant to be carried alone.
Still, I've learned that many people put off calling simply because they don't know what grief counseling actually is. So here's an honest look inside the room.
First: what grief counseling is not
- It is not someone telling you to "move on" or find "closure." I don't believe in rushing grief, and closure is a word I rarely use.
- It is not lying on a couch analyzing your childhood. We talk about the person you lost, and about your life now.
- It is not a sign you're grieving "wrong." Most of my grieving clients are grieving completely normally — they're just exhausted, lonely in it, and need one place where they don't have to be okay.
What the first session actually looks like
We start slow. I'll want to hear about the person you lost — not just how they died, but who they were. What made them laugh. What you miss at 9 p.m. on a Tuesday. For many people, this is the first time in months anyone has let them talk about their loved one without changing the subject. Expect tears; expect, sometimes, laughter. Both belong.
From there, we go at your pace. There's no fixed script, but over time grief counseling usually includes:
- Making room for the waves — understanding why grief ambushes you at the grocery store, and learning ways to stay steady when it does
- The practical weight — sleep, appetite, the paperwork, going back to work, the first holidays and anniversaries
- The complicated parts — guilt, relief, anger, things left unsaid; grief is rarely tidy, and those feelings are safe here
- Continuing the bond — finding ways to carry your person with you, rather than "letting go" of them
- Faith, if you want it — where God is in loss is a question I'm honored to sit inside with you; and if you'd rather leave faith out, we simply don't bring it in
How do I know it's "bad enough" to call?
You don't need to hit a crisis to deserve support — wanting company in your grief is reason enough. That said, I'd gently encourage you to reach out if months have passed and you feel stuck in place; if you're withdrawing from everyone; if sleep or health is unraveling (my nursing background makes me pay close attention to this); or if the numbness never lifts. And if grief has you thinking about not wanting to be here, please don't wait: call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any hour of the day.
The practical details
At Family Life Resources, grief counseling begins with a free 10-minute phone call — just a chance to talk and see if I feel like a good fit for you. Sessions are $160 for 50 minutes, in person at our North Raleigh office on Creedmoor Road or by secure video from anywhere in North Carolina. Some grieving clients prefer telehealth in the early weeks, when leaving the house feels like too much. That's more than okay.
Whenever you're ready — whether the loss was three weeks ago or three years ago — the door is open.
This article is for education and encouragement; it isn't a substitute for professional care.