Reviewed by Ginny Porowski, RN, MA, LCMHC · Last reviewed October 2, 2026
Family Life Resources offers narcissistic abuse recovery counseling with Ginny Porowski, RN, MA, LCMHC, at our North Raleigh office on Creedmoor Road and by secure video telehealth anywhere in North Carolina. Ginny is currently accepting new clients.
When the hurt comes from inside your own family
Most people expect family to be the safest place in their life. But if you grew up with — or are married to — someone with strong narcissistic traits, home may have been the place where you learned to doubt yourself. Maybe your feelings were dismissed or mocked. Maybe every disagreement somehow ended with you apologizing. Maybe love felt like something you had to earn by performing, agreeing, or staying quiet. And maybe, when you tried to explain it to others, they saw only the charming public version of the person who was hurting you.
That gap — between what you lived and what everyone else saw — is one of the loneliest parts of narcissistic abuse. Counseling closes it. Here, you are believed. What happened to you has a name, it has recognizable patterns, and it has a path to healing.
Ginny helps adults who were hurt by a narcissistic parent, spouse, or family member stop second-guessing themselves and start trusting their own mind again. This page may be for you if you've caught yourself thinking:
- "I think my mother might be a narcissist, and I'm a grown adult still trying to make her happy."
- "My husband twists every conversation until I'm the one apologizing."
- "I left the marriage, but I still hear my ex's voice in my head."
- "I'm the one taking care of Dad now, and he still treats me like the problem."
- "I dread Thanksgiving every single year."
What does narcissistic abuse look like?
Narcissistic abuse is rarely one dramatic event. It's a long pattern of manipulation that erodes your confidence a little at a time:
- Gaslighting — being told that what you saw, heard, or felt "never happened," until you stop trusting your own memory
- Blame-shifting — every problem, even their behavior, is somehow your fault
- Conditional love — warmth when you comply, coldness or rage when you don't
- Control and criticism — your choices, appearance, friendships, and even your successes picked apart
- Triangulation — siblings or family members played against each other; a "golden child" and a "scapegoat"
- Public charm, private cruelty — a person everyone else admires, and only you seem to see clearly
Living inside these patterns for years often leaves real, clinical wounds: chronic anxiety and hypervigilance, depression, people-pleasing, difficulty trusting your own judgment, guilt that never quite goes away, and a grief that's hard to explain — mourning the parent, spouse, or family you needed and didn't get (our grief counseling makes room for that loss).
You don't need to prove anyone has a diagnosis to get help. In counseling we focus on what happened to you and how it affected you — not on labeling the other person.
Adult children of narcissistic parents
If you grew up with a narcissistic mother or father, you may only now — in adulthood — be putting words to what your childhood actually was. Many adult children of narcissists describe feeling like they were raised to be an extension of their parent rather than a person: praised when they made the parent look good, punished or frozen out when they didn't. In counseling we untangle the "rules" you absorbed as a child (keep the peace, don't have needs, don't outshine, don't tell), grieve honestly, and help you decide — without pressure in either direction — what kind of relationship, boundaries, or distance is right for you now.
If you're still wondering whether your experience "counts," Ginny's article Was I Raised by a Narcissist? Five Signs walks through the patterns she hears most often.
Caring for an aging narcissistic parent who hurt you
Caring for an aging narcissistic parent is one of the hardest kinds of caregiving, because the old hurt and the new exhaustion arrive together. Many adult children find themselves driving to appointments, managing medications, and handling finances for the same parent who criticized, controlled, or ignored them growing up — and the old patterns often don't soften just because the parent now needs help.
You might recognize some of this:
- The scapegoat becomes the caregiver — you do the daily work while a "golden child" sibling visits occasionally and gets the praise
- Guilt on a loop — "She's my mother; how can I say no?" even when you're running on empty
- Old wounds reopened — every visit leaves you feeling like a criticized child again
- Grief for what will never be — the apology or closeness you hoped for may not come, and time feels short
- Burnout — sleep, health, marriage, and work all quietly paying the price
Counseling helps you decide what you are truly willing and able to give, set limits you can live with, share the load where possible, and protect your own health and family. If you're burned out caring for Mom or Dad more generally, our caregiver burnout counseling focuses on that weight directly. And because Ginny is also a registered nurse, she understands the practical, medical side of caregiving, too. (One gentle note: if a parent's personality or behavior has changed noticeably, it's worth mentioning to their doctor, since some health conditions can affect mood and behavior.)
Married to, or leaving, a narcissistic partner
Narcissistic patterns in a marriage are exhausting in a different way: the person who promised to cherish you keeps score, rewrites arguments, and makes you feel like you're always one mistake from losing their love. Whether you're trying to understand what's happening, working to protect your peace inside the relationship, or recovering after separation or divorce, counseling gives you a steady place to think clearly, rebuild your identity, and heal. (If there is no abuse or fear in the relationship and you and your spouse are both genuinely willing to work on it, see our marriage & couples counseling — we can talk honestly in your consultation about which path fits your situation. Where there is abuse or fear, individual support comes first.)
Should I stay or leave?
Whether to stay or leave is your decision, and counseling won't make it for you — it helps you make it clearly. After years of having your perceptions overruled, it can be hard to know what you even think. In counseling you can:
- Sort out what is actually happening in your marriage, separate from the story you've been told
- Notice what has and hasn't changed when you've asked for change
- Practice firmer boundaries if you choose to stay — and plan for your safety first if you're unsure how your partner will react
- Think through safety, finances, children, and support if you're considering leaving
- Bring faith questions about marriage and divorce into the room, if you want to
If your partner threatens, intimidates, or physically harms you, please treat that as a safety issue first — see the hotline information below.
How do I co-parent with a narcissistic ex?
Co-parenting with a narcissistic ex usually goes best with less contact, not more — within whatever your parenting plan requires: brief, factual, child-focused communication and a steady support system for you. Divorce often doesn't end the conflict; it moves it to pickup times, text messages, and the kids' calendars. Counseling helps you:
- Keep messages short and business-like, and stop over-explaining
- Stay steady when you're provoked, so you respond on your terms instead of getting pulled into the fight
- Help your children feel safe and loved without putting them in the middle
- Grieve the family you hoped to give your kids
We don't give legal advice; for custody and parenting-plan questions, please talk with a family law attorney. If you're worried about your children's safety, talk with your attorney, and in an emergency call 911.
How do I trust myself again after leaving a narcissistic marriage?
After leaving a narcissistic marriage, the deepest work is often learning to trust your own judgment again. Many people describe still hearing their ex's criticism in their head, doubting their decisions, or fearing they'll end up in the same pattern in a future relationship or second marriage. Counseling helps you quiet that inner critic, rediscover who you are, and move forward with clear eyes.
When your adult child is the one
If the person hurting you is your own adult son or daughter — whether they treat you in narcissistic, controlling, or abusive ways or have cut off contact — counseling can help you set boundaries, handle estrangement, and grieve the relationship you hoped for, without blaming yourself for everything. Parents in this situation often feel enormous shame and rarely talk about it. You may be facing an adult child who is cruel or manipulative, demands money, or rewrites family history — or who has cut off contact altogether, sometimes including contact with your grandchildren.
How do I cope with a narcissistic or abusive adult son or daughter?
- "Where did I go wrong?" — guilt that can keep you saying yes to things that hurt you
- Estrangement — the silence of a child who won't call, or the strain of contact that is always on their terms
- Boundaries around money, housing, and help — knowing when helping has become enabling
- Strain in your marriage — when you and your spouse see your child differently
- Grief for the relationship you hoped for — a real loss, even while your child is still living
Estrangement has many causes, and sometimes an adult child's distance is a boundary rather than an attack; counseling is a place to sort out which is which, honestly and without blame. It also gives you a private place to look honestly at your own part without carrying the whole weight, decide what limits you need, and work toward peace whether or not your relationship with your child changes. If you'd like faith to be part of that — including questions about forgiveness and hope — Ginny can walk through that with you. If an adult child threatens or harms you, your safety comes first; please use the emergency resources below.
Narcissistic family members and the holidays
One of the most helpful things you can do before a holiday with a narcissistic family member is to decide your plan in advance — how long you'll stay, what you'll talk about, and how you'll leave — instead of hoping this year will be different. Thanksgiving, Christmas, birthdays, and family weddings bring everyone into one room, and old roles snap back into place quickly.
How do I survive the holidays with a narcissistic parent or in-law?
- Set your time limit before you arrive — and drive yourself, so you can leave when you planned to
- Pick your "safe" topics — and a polite phrase to change the subject when conversation turns sharp
- Bring an ally — a spouse or friend who knows the plan and can help you step out
- Lower the stakes — let go of the hope that this will be the year you finally get understood
- Plan your recovery — protect quiet time afterward to rest and reset
- Remember you have options — a shorter visit, a different day, or not going at all are all legitimate choices
Ginny's article on surviving the holidays with a narcissistic family member goes deeper. A few counseling sessions before the season can help you walk in feeling prepared rather than braced for impact.
How does counseling help you recover?
Counseling helps you recover by naming what happened, rebuilding trust in your own perceptions, and creating boundaries that protect your peace. Here's what that work includes:
- Naming what happened — understanding narcissistic patterns so you stop blaming yourself for them
- Rebuilding self-trust — learning to believe your own perceptions, feelings, and memory again
- Boundaries that hold — practical, realistic limits for the contact you choose to keep (including holidays, phone calls, and grandparent questions)
- Grieving the relationship you deserved — honest space for the sadness and anger underneath
- Healing the fallout — evidence-based care for the anxiety, depression, and people-pleasing the abuse left behind
- Faith questions, if you want them — forgiveness, honoring a difficult parent, and where God was in it, explored gently and only at your invitation (see our Christian counseling page)
You will never be pushed to cut someone off, and you will never be pushed to reconcile. Recovery is about you becoming solid again — clear, calm, and confident in your own mind — so that whatever you decide about the relationship, it's truly your decision.
Do you counsel the narcissistic family member too?
Our focus is on you — the person recovering. Individual counseling is usually the best starting place after narcissistic abuse. In some situations family or couples work can be appropriate later, and we can talk honestly about whether that makes sense in your case during your free consultation.
If anyone in your life makes you feel unsafe — through threats, intimidation, or physical harm — your safety comes first. Call 911 in an emergency, or reach the National Domestic Violence Hotline anytime at 800-799-7233 — free, confidential, and available 24/7. If you are having thoughts of suicide or are in emotional crisis, call or text 988 to reach the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Counseling is for the long road of healing; in an emergency, please reach out to these resources first.
The counselor behind this work
Ginny is a licensed clinical mental health counselor and registered nurse with more than 30 years of experience helping people, and a whole-person approach to care. She earned her BSN from Emory University and her MA in Counseling from Liberty University. She provides warm, practical counseling — and as a Christian counselor, she can bring faith into the work as much or as little as you'd like. All backgrounds are welcome. Ginny is currently accepting new clients, in person in Raleigh and by telehealth across North Carolina. Learn more about Ginny.
Our approach & the practical details
We begin gently, with a free 10-minute phone consultation — a low-pressure chance to share a little of your story and see whether we're the right fit. From there, your first full session is $200 for 65 minutes, and ongoing individual sessions are $160 for 50 minutes. We're a private-pay practice: we provide superbills you can submit for possible out-of-network reimbursement, and HSA/FSA cards are accepted (see fees & insurance). You can meet in person at our North Raleigh office on Creedmoor Road, or by secure video telehealth from anywhere in North Carolina — many clients healing from family wounds appreciate the privacy of meeting from home. Whenever you're ready, reach out to schedule your free consultation or call 919-306-0207. We'd be honored to walk this road with you.